How Do You See Yourself?

December 12th, 2009 by keiron

I got a message recently from a high school senior who’d visited my blog, he had a birth defect that affected one of his hands and had recently become more conscious about it in social settings. He asked if I had anything to share.

Well this got me thinking, really thinking, what was it I had learnt since losing my hand 3 or so years back that I might be able to share? For what it’s worth, here’s what I came up with.

First, right at the beginning my mindset was that whilst I might have a disability, I didn’t consider myself disabled. My disability wasn’t who I was, it wasn’t my ‘identity’ or how I saw myself. I decided to have fun with my disability, to challenge my disability and be playful about it with others.

Secondly, I refused to see myself as being any different. I knew that if I started to see myself differently then other’s would pick up on it and feel differently, even awkward, around me, which I would then pick up on, which would then re-inforce my own negative feelings and start a vicious cycle. If you see yourself differently from how you wish others to see you, don’t be surprised when you perceive that others see you thus. If you feel incomplete, or disabled, or disfigured or whichever way it is for you, then with that in your mind you’ll start to perceive that that’s how others are thinking of you, it’s all bullshit, but, that’s just the way the mind works.

Thirdly, I look odd, people will stare, it means nothing, it’s just a natural reaction. Hell, when I catch myself in the mirror I stare, my body lacks symmetry, the human mind is used to symmetrical bodies. The question is, what does it mean to you when you catch someone glancing your way? Whatever you think they are thinking, I can guarantee you are wrong, you have no way of knowing what the other person thinks, so I prefer to believe they find me so incredibly attractive that they can’ help but look my way. I just smile, be open to questions or just continue on my way. Forget the stories you tell yourself about what you think they are thinking, again it’s bullshit. Generally I’m oblivious to it, but occasionally I’ll catch someone and it makes me smile.

Here’s a great video on this very topic:

I hope that this might help someone in some small way, remember you get to decide the meaning you attach to an event in your life…why not make that meaning serve you rather than hinder you.

On the Mend and Metalwork Gallore

November 6th, 2009 by keiron
Elbow After Surgery

Elbow After Surgery


I’ve been recovering fast after my surgery a few weeks back. It’s been a real case of deja-vu, it was like losing my hand all over again. Since my arm had swollen too nearly twice it’s size after the surgery (much better now) I couldn’t wear my prosthetic, so it was back to making do with one hand again. It was surprising how used to my i-Limb hand I was…I really miss it!

The surgery was successful, if a little long (over 5 hrs). My collar bone now has a plate holding it together, which is great since it stabilizes the shoulder nicely. My elbow was a bit of a surprise, however. I didn’t expect to end up with so much metal work: a plate, screws, pins and even some wire, as you can see from the fluoroscope images. It’s amazing the amount of damage I did.

Shoulder Surgery

Shoulder Surgery

Elbow Surgery

Elbow Surgery

Now that my arm is back to normal size my one challenge is that, with all the metal work in my elbow its circumference has increased and my prosthetic sockets still don’t fit. Fortunately I still have my original socket from a couple of years back, and whilst it’s not ideal, at least it fits…which means I can drive again.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I don’t have to get new prosthetic sockets made, only time will tell.

Broken Bones And Shattered Dreams

October 13th, 2009 by keiron

Hospitalized Again As many of you know I’ve been training for the last 5 months for my first half Ironman triathlon, Big Kahuna in Santa Cruz. Unfortunately on Saturday my training came to a crashing halt, quite literally.

A group of us training for Big K (as the race is affectionately known) had gone down to Santa Cruz to train on the course in preparation for the race in 2 weeks. We were doing an hour and a half cycle out and back on Highway 1. It was on the way back that things went pear shaped.

There is a section of Highway 1, just after the crest of a hill, where an old rail track crosses the road diagonally. I remembered riding over it on the way out and it was a little knarly on my race bike with its razor blades for tires. On the way back it caught me a bit by surprise, you don’t see it until you crest the hill, and a thought went through my mind, “hope my wheel doesn’t get caught in the track”. Specialized Bike HelmetWhich, as you can guess, is exactly what happened, just as I picking up speed and going 15-20 mph. The next thing I know I’m down hard on my left hand side skidding along the road on my helmet and left arm…and then Ray hit me, he’d been riding just behind me and didn’t have time to take evasive action. So both of us were down in the middle of Highway 1…I guess we should count ourselves lucky there weren’t any cars behind us.

If anyone needed a reason to wear a helmet when riding here it is, my old Specialized helmet took the brunt of the impact and I watched the road skid by as it protected my head and face from major trauma, I’m serious when I say that without the helmet I would not be here writing this post!

Clavical Fracture Whilst my helmet fortunately saved my head, my left elbow and shoulder didn’t fair so well. As I fell to the left my elbow impacted the road hard, I had been on my aero bars and it happened so quickly I didn’t have time to react at all. My elbow fractured and the force of the impact fractured my clavical (collar bone) as well. After I managed to sit up and catch my breath I could feel my collar bone was broken (didn’t know about my elbow at that point) and got my team mates, who had arrived at the scene, to call for an ambulance.

Elbow Fracture I don’t know how, but a policeman was there in only 5 minutes or so, even before we called for an ambulance. He was taking my details and then asked whether I’d seen the sign warning cyclists to slow down and walk their bikes across the tracks…duh, missed those on the way out and on the way back! Me thinks they need bigger signs, flashing neon ones perhaps. Apparently they have about 30 bike accidents at that spot each year, given the tracks aren’t in use any more you wonder why they don’t fill the damn things in, anyone know a good lawyer…

So now I’m out of the race and due to the severity of the breaks I’ll be going in for surgery on both my shoulder and elbow. One thing you can say about me is, if I have an accident, then I *really* have an accident!

I’ll keep you updated on my progress after the surgery, I’m sure it’ll be a few months before I’m back in the saddle again, as Arnie says, “I’ll be back”.

Oh, and the bike, that’s in pretty good shape, luckily my body saved it from any major damage…seriously, it hardly has a scratch on it!

Around Lake Tahoe by Bike

October 4th, 2009 by keiron

My half Ironman Triathlon is coming up fast on October 25th! Yesterday's training schedule called for a long bike ride, 56 miles, in preparation. Since I was up in Tahoe for the weekend I figured what better place to ride than around the lake.

The ring around Lake Tahoe is about 73 miles, I planned on riding 56 miles and having Kerry come pick me up, which meant I would get to go around 2/3rds of the lake at least.

I headed out at 8:30am on Highway 89, from South Lake Tahoe, and headed clockwise towards Emerald Bay, the first big climb. As I would learn during the ride, it sure ain't flat up here. The lake is at 6,200' and the roads around are continually going up and down, the highest climb to over 7,000'. Of course by going clockwise I got to ride the hilliest 2/3rds of the lake (great choice)!

First-snow-lake-tahoe Apart from the cold (what else would you expect in October, I couldn't feel my toes numerous times), and the wind which was blowing 20+mph and at nearly blowing me of the bike, it was a beautiful ride. It took me 3 hours 45 minutes to complete my distance, finishing just before Cave Rock (the tunnel on Highway 50). Kerry meet me there, with a hot cup of tea and my run shoes ready for a quick 10 minute transition run.

All-in-all a great days training and given the snow we got Saturday night/Sunday morning I'm sure glad I did the bike yesterday…although the snow sure looks pretty.

In The Shadow Of A Giant

August 4th, 2009 by keiron

Tony robbins This past weekend I attended Tony Robbin’s UPW event in San Jose, 3 years ago this was my first Tony Robbins event…5 events later I’ve come full circle.

The nice thing this time around was I got to sit in the front row, one of the benefits of being a Platinum Partner and as a result I got pulled up on stage to help with a demo…quite an experience to be standing on stage in front of 3,200 people.

Tony robbins firewalk It was a fun event, although unlike 3 years back Tony was only there for days 1 & 3 and Joseph McClendon III filled in for day 2 and then came back for day 4 on health and vitality.

At the end of the first day I got a another chance to do the firewalk, Tony’s signature activity at UPW. Three years ago when I did this it was just 4 months after my accident and I was still recovering from my electrical burns.

Tony robbins hot coalsThis time around I knew I could do it and could focus more on the metaphor that it represents, making a break through. It was interesting that last time I got a small burn on my foot, this time around, whilst I felt the coals, I didn’t get any burns at all.

It’s was as impressive as ever to see 3,000+ people lining up to get in state and walk across the hot coals.

One Handed Karate Chop

July 7th, 2009 by keiron

Breaking-boards-focus Last week I attended Tony Robbins’ Leadership Academy Bootcamp in San Diego. I’ve attended a number of Tony’s events since I first did UPW (read all about it here) in San Jose in 2006 (incidentally, he’s back in San Jose this month after a 3 year absence, if you’re interested in attending call Erica Nitti, 858-535-6367, tell her I sent you and she’ll look after you).

I’ve got a lot of value from Tony’s real world approach to human psychology, it’s helped me and I’ve been able to help others by practicing just some of what he teaches. Anyway, the Leadership event really bought the last 3 years of events home for me and has set me on a new path in life.

As is often the case with his events, they use a physical act as a metaphor for a psychological/emotional breakthrough, at UPW it was the firewalk, at Life Mastery it was climbing a telephone pole. At Leadership Bootcamp it was breaking a 1″ pine board, karate chop-style! There were about 300 people in the room and after a 30 minute rundown by Joe Williams on how to get in state, stand, position our arms and strike we all queued up ready to do it.

Breaking-boards-breakthrough Apparently this usually takes someone doing martial arts 6 months to progress to, here we were ready in less than an hour. A great demonstration of the power of getting into state. As you can see in the before photo, there’s a look of total focus in my eyes…this was my second attempt. My first didn’t go so well, but it sure confirmed that it was a real piece of solid wood, up until then I think I still thought that it can’t really be a solid piece of wood (there’s a metaphor for life for you). So on my second attempt, hand smarting a bit from the first, I totally focused and went for it. As you can see from the second photo I broke through, strange thing was, the second time around I didn’t even feel the board, in fact I had to double check since I figured I must have missed it, that’s how easy it was to breakthrough (another great metaphor for you).

All in all, the event was simply amazing, and those who know me know I don’t use that term lightly. Outside of the coaching and training, the speakers they had were first class. Robin Bennacasa is an adventure racer (World Champion honors
in both the Eco-Challenge and Raid
Gauloises) and spoke on the kind of leadership and team dynamics that you need to make it through a 7-10 day, non-stop adventure race of 400-600 miles. Once I get through with my Ironman ambitions maybe adventure racing will be next, not sure if they’ve ever had a physically challenged team or not, maybe it’s time. Jan Hargrave was a blast, she’s an FBI specialist and expert in non-verbal communication (body language) and took us through a riot as she tested and explained how the body doesn’t lie. Want to know if someone is attracted to you, she knows. Steve Linder spent half a day with us on Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), he’s somewhat of an expert on how patterns of mental and emotional behavior affect us. Shore Slocum bought an interesting and more contemplative perspective on leadership and life, a great story teller and compelling speaker. Joe Williams, one of Tony’s master trainers (with an incredible assist from Joseph McClendon), ran the show and did a marvelous job through the 5 days, 12 hours plus a day.

If you ever get the chance to attend a Tony Robbins event, take it: have fun, play full out and you won’t regret it.

Many Thanks to Pete Parker for taking the photos of the event, they are © Copyright 2009 Peter S. Parker, All Rights Reserved, Used with Permission. If you want to see more photos of the event, click here.

Stepping It Up, 70.3 Miles Here I Come

July 2nd, 2009 by keiron

IMG_6006 As if an Olympic distance triathlon wasn’t enough I now have my sights set on completing a Half Ironman later this year, that’s 70.3 miles total race distance.

Crazy? Perhaps, but that’s what life is about. Plus, you heard it hear first, next year I have my sights set on competing in the Ironman World Championship in Kona, Hawaii…that’s 140.6 miles, now that’s crazy!

But, one step at a time. I’m volunteering again with Team In Training to help others realize their dream of completing an endurance event whilst raising money for LLS to fight blood cancers. This time I’m training for Big Kahuna, held this October in Santa Cruz (nice and local).

This is a big step up for me, a Half Ironman consists of a 1.2 mile swim, a 56 mile bike followed by a 13.1 mile half marathon. Last season I remember completing a 56 mile bike ride just by itself, followed by a 10 minute transition run, I literally could not run…I got shin splints so bad I could barely walk. So this is going to be a big step up for me.

If you’d like to support my cause and make a donation to help me achieve my goal of raising $1,980 for LLS that would be greatly appreciated, no amount too small (or too big), you can donate online via my fundraising page.

And, in case you’re wondering what I’m trying to do in the photo above, it’s my attempt at swimming butterfly…badly!

A Dislocated Shoulder but 1st in Class

April 6th, 2009 by keiron

 IMG_5052March 29th 2009, Kona, Hawaii…Lavaman had arrived, it was time to race!

Kerry and I arrived in Hawaii with the TNT crew on the Friday and settled into our hotel and picked up our bikes. On Saturday it was an early start to see Dave Scott (6 time Ironman World Champion) provide some sagely advice for race day, then off for a practice swim, bike and run.

Transition-area
And then it was Sunday, up at 5:00am, quick bite to eat and cup of tea and then off to the hotel lobby for the 5:45am meet up. From there we all headed down to the transition area to setup our kit, get marked with our race numbers and pickup our timing chips.

At 7:00am everyone gathered at the start, or went for a warm up swim, come 7:15am the tension was building as the first wave of pros got ready to go at 7:30am, 3 minutes after that I'd be off and after 9 minutes Kerry would be following.

Race-start
7:33am and I the race was on, 7:34am and my right arm was dislocated…as I reached forward with my hand someone must have been kicking backwards and kicked my shoulder out of its socket. So there I am, no left hand, can't use my right arm, just kicking to stay afloat. I waved my stump at the safety support dude on his surf board, unfortunately since all I could wave was my stump he just stood on his board staring at me blankly. So I had to kick myself over to him, rest my head on his board, relax my shoulder and pop it back in, then on with the race! All-in-all it probably cost me 2 minutes, but at least I wasn't out of the race.

Swimming
Since I'm slower than most on the swim and the subsequent waves started only 3 minutes apart I had the pleasure of having the next 3 waves catch up with me and literally swim over the top of me…even the women, man they don't take prisoners!

Bike-ride
45 minutes later and the swim was over. A short jog up the beach to the transition area and it was time for the 40km bike ride along Queen K (the main road of Ironman course fame). Despite my slow time on the swim I was able to make up time on the bike, passing many people during the ride. The last 6 miles or so were into a 15-20mph headwind, even though I was going down hill it was like peddling up hill! I was glad to be heading back to the transition area after about a 1 hr 30 mins ride.

RunningLast leg left, 10km run…definitely not my favorite part. The first 1/2 mile of the run was across a lava field, uphill and into the headwind, what a start. At several points during the run I was heading uphill into that same headwind and the last mile or so of the course was along a single track path through lava fields, coral and finally a sandy beach.

Finish-line
I have to admit, I had to walk parts of the course, a combination of the heat and wind just wore me out, but I was determined to finish and just over an hour later the finish line was in sight. My total time was 3 hours 21 minutes, a few minutes faster than my tri at Pacific Grove, which considering the conditions wasn't too bad really.

1st-in-classThe fun part was yet to come though, I had no idea, but, as we watched the awards ceremony I heard my own name, I wondered what on earth was going on…apparently I was first in my class, so I got to stand up on the podium and accept my prize in front of all these great triathletes. It was a bit lonely up there mind you, since I was actually the only one in my class, but hell I'll take all the awards I can get.

You can see more photos here.

My New Kindle 2

March 1st, 2009 by keiron

Kindle-2
I just got my new Kindle 2 from Amazon, what a great device for one handed folks (although I'm sure that wasn't their primary design goal).

I've found that when I'm reading a book I have to hold it open with my one hand, which depending on the size and weight of the book can get tiring after a while. Also, I then don't have a spare hand to turn the page and sometimes the book just doesn't want to stay open. If I'm laying in bed reading it's a little hard to hold a book open when I'm on my side reading, especially if it's a hardback.

Now, don't get me wrong, it's not like this is a major obstacle in life, but it's always a delight when something comes along like solves these minor irritants and currently I'm being delighted by my Kindle 2.

Kindle-2-i-limb-handjpgThe Kindle is easy to hold in one hand, or lay flat on the bed, or rest on one's knees and the e-Ink reflective screen really looks like the printed page, quite amazing and a pleasure to read even at an angle, just like a real book. I don't have to try to keep it open or put it down to flip pages, I can even hold it with my i-Limb hand!

But wait, there's more…I can buy and download books on the fly, have all my books immediately to hand anywhere I go and all in a device that's slim, trim and looks like a super-sized iPhone.

Thank you Amazon!

Deny Lightfoot

February 22nd, 2009 by keiron

Deny
I met Deny (he’s 22) a few weeks back, I was introduced to him via TouchBionics since he lives in the Northern California area and was very interested in the i-Limb hand after losing his hand in an industrial accident, back in December.

He dropped by with his sister, Rebecka, on their way to his medical appointment in San Francisco. Deny’s hand was literally ripped of when his jacket got caught in a machine at work and for someone barely a month post accident, he’s recovering extremely well, and for someone only 22, has a great positive outlook on life. It was interesting to swap “war” stories, he was comparing the feelings and sensations he gets with what I’d described on my blog during my recovery.

It was great to meet Deny and hopefully, in time, he’ll be able to get fitted for an i-Limb hand and I hope he enjoys as much success with it as I have.


Keiron McCammon

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